My mom always says, “make sure your table is set so your guests know you were expecting them.”
Growing up in the 70s and 80s people had dinner parties. And my parents had a lot of them. A considerable part of my dad’s business included what he referred to as "entertaining his customers". Fortunately, my father had an Italian wife with an outgoing and affable personality along with knowing her way around the kitchen. Customers, friends, family, and neighbors were always in our home. As a young girl, I always loved sneaking down the stairs once the party was in full swing (in the bottle!) with everyone seated around the dining room table, to listen in on the conversation.
These days, hosting dinner parties seems to be a thing of the past. Busy schedules have given way to making reservations and meeting friends in restaurants. As much as my husband Matty and I enjoy a big, blowout party, there is something really special and, almost unconventional, about gathering an intimate group of fun and interesting people around our dining room table for a good meal and spirited conversation.
Creating menus is by far a favorite pastime of mine. Planting myself on our patio or in front of the fireplace, with a fine glass of wine always gets my creative juices flowing and I immediately start planning my next dinner party. What should I make and whom should we invite? Perusing cookbooks for menus, recipes, ideas and techniques brings me tremendous joy. Recipes fill my email inbox every day and there are countless websites to search for cooking instructions and menu ideas. But I love my cookbooks and a great number of them I read as if they were novels.
Hosting a dinner party is relatively easy. It doesn’t have to be fancy schmancy. It just takes a little planning. The key is to be really, really organized. Tension and stress are always palpable to others and it is not fun for anyone if the hosts are irritable. Frankly, it defeats the purpose of having friends over in the first place. In our home, we are responsible for everyone’s happiness. We take that seriously.
Start with a guest list. Since food is always secondary to people, I jot down names of people we haven’t seen in awhile and would like to invite over. Many times everyone already knows each other but lately we prefer spicing it up a bit and find it fun, and sometimes challenging, to bring together different groups of friends together. Ideally, a sit-down dinner party works best with no more than 8-10 people.
Write up the menu. Being old school, it’s easier for me to hand write this and leave it on the kitchen island as I’m always making notes like the time to take the meat out, pull the cheeses from the fridge, open the wine, etc. Think about the time that you want everyone to sit down and work backwards. We have recently started plating the salad just before our guests arrive. Not only does it help with the flow of getting food out but it adds to the visual appeal of the table. Nobody sits down to an empty plate.
Take out all of your serving pieces. The morning of the party, I lay out all of my serving pieces and utensils for everything from the cheese board to the bread basket, to the main dish and all of the sides. I can’t be climbing on chairs and digging out platters and special serving pieces once people have arrived. I know exactly what will be used for everything on the menu.
Fill up several water pitchers and keep them in the fridge so all you have to do is set them on the table. The wines should be opened and possibly decanted with all the proper glassware in place. I also use a wine coaster at both ends of the table.
Set the table the night before. This way you know your house is cleaned, vacuumed and ready to go. Since you know your guests well, make place cards and have fun with the seating. Separate couples. Matty and I each sit on opposite ends of the table with me being closest to the kitchen. Always put your most gregarious friends in the middle to keep the conversation going at both ends of the table. It’s natural for folks to gravitate towards familiar people so having place cards enables guests to sit next to someone different or new.
I find that most people want chocolate after a meal. In addition to the planned dessert, I usually put out a box of Godiva for those who may only want a little something sweet. We have recently discovered that there is something very nostalgic about a box of Russell Stover Chocolates. Almost everyone has a memory to share revolving around their family and childhood traditions.
Start with an empty dishwasher. Once everyone has left, make sure all the food is put away, load the dishwasher and run it overnight. Everything else can wait until the next morning.
If you are invited to a dinner party, you are a guest. There is no need to do the dishes. Chances are the hosts have a system in how they do things. If you feel the urge to help out by collecting plates at the end of the evening and placing them in a big pile in the sink, without scraping the food, that is not helping.
I always say, if you can read, you can cook. And reading really isn’t a prerequisite. The ends have to justify the means or it’s not worth the effort. The timing of the meal is the hardest part and like anything else, gets easier the more you do it. Start out small and if a dinner party is something new for you, make something you already know that you do well. Nobody is looking for perfection. Every last bit of food prep doesn’t have to be done before your doorbell rings but make sure your table is set! My friend Lizbeth and I always have a backup plan if things fail—order pizza! Neither one of us has ever had to do it but having the option is somewhat comforting.
In my ever so humble opinion….hosting a dinner party is a wonderful way of gathering friends and breaking bread in the comfort of your own home. As much as I enjoy dining in restaurants, they are usually looking to move you along after a few hours. In your own home, you can linger and keep the conversation and party going for as long as you like. Always remember it’s about the people first. The food is secondary. Celebrating life with the people we love should never go out of style.